Thursday, August 16, 2012

Just Stop

I have struggled all week with what my first "out of the lines" activity would be.  Instead, I was thrown into something I was not prepared for, and this will be an ongoing task.  But first, a little bit about myself...

I am an accountant, which means by nature, I am a planner.  I plan my life out to a tee, and up until recently most everything in my life has fallen in with the plan put in place.  This year I rededicated my life to Christ and have been struggling with one profound element, that being the part where I am supposed to hand over full control of my life to Him.  It wasn't something I was quite comfortable yet and definitely something I wasn't ready for.

This morning I prayed that God would take control of one small aspect of my life in order to show me where I needed to go.  I thought I could give it over a little bit at a time, piece by piece, but giving control over to God isn't a "only give a little" kind of thing, once you're in, you're ALL in.  Not only did He take care of what I asked and showed me the way, He also managed to bring my entire life as I know it to a halt. I received a phone call today that resulted in me dropping out of my last and FINAL class required before I can sit for the CPA exam.  This set me in a tailspin.  I am THIS close!  Only one class away and I can continue on with my plan in life, only one class away and I can finally have what I want!  Thing is, once I had that, would I just want something else?  Is it really all about the exam, or is it about constantly wanting to be part of a big plan, a plan of my own?  Thus my new challenge...

To stop, stop living by a plan, stop thinking 100mph at all times, slow down and enjoy life, just stop.  I was reminded today of how much I have, how much I've accomplished, how much I have in life to enjoy.  But I was also shown the sad realization that I don't ever take the time to enjoy everything I have around me.  I accomplish something, big or small, and move on to the next thing.  I have fully handed over my life and I am ready to see where He takes me, and I am ready to enjoy my life for what it is today, and not what I think I can make it in the future.  This will be hard, but through Him I can do anything.

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